Canon Firing Line
Alternate Alternatives
By Ellis Cannon
PSR Publisher

Leave it to The Warden to make sense of the Winter Olympics.

Wardie and I are sitting around a few weeks ago and she reports to be interested in the upcoming Games and the "alternative" they would provide; a change from her standard fare of television options.

In effect, that meant she would give herself a two-week moratorium from the gluttony of self-help fashion, design and home construction television shows she memorizes. Those-and their subconscious message that her man is useless and she can do anything she wants without him-are horrifying enough.

But the nightly television show from Vancouver also meant she would give all of us a break from watching those staged, crank "paranormal" shows - particularly those which dominate our Wednesday nights to the point where Tuesday just jumps to Thursday.

Those fake shows-the paranormal ones-are enough to remind you of sage words offered by P.T. Barnum, even though this is suggested in the most generic terms and not with any particular person mind.

If you know what I mean.

Anyway, The Warden is right. That's where we are with the Olympics, at least those of the Winter variety. In years past, that would lead to indignant meltdown. Today, it only puts things into perspective.

As a basic rule, no Olympic Games-even those in winter-should be relegated to an "alternative." They should be primary, the first and most dominant broadcast, if not topic, for two weeks.

That's just your perspective you grew up with the Games before a bunch of longhairs brought their half-pipes and other carnival acts onto the scene.

Not that we have a big problem with those extreme elements-they're not sports-it's just they belong where they belong and not in the Olympics. In fact, we get half a kick out of watching them; if for no reason than watching the insane can be amusing (see the paranormals and their viewers above).

Sorry, that's a purist's view. They do belong in today's Olympics because the (Winter) Games are now built primarily to generate television ratings, ad dollars and sponsors' checks, to pay "amateurs" and help recover hundreds of millions of dollars paid for broadcast rights.

But it's still a stretch for those of us who woke up at 2:00 a.m. as 13 year olds to watch downhill when the Games were in Sapporo, Japan. We didn't-and don't-even like snow, but they were the "primary," the first and most dominant broadcast, if not topic, for two weeks. It's what you did - what you were supposed to do.

But you get older, three little guys live with you and get turned on by the old and new school stuff-including freaks flipping upside down while overdosing on wake-up juice-you watch it together, and presto, you're doing something as a family.

Which, if you think about it, is not the worst "alternative."

Ellis Cannon is the Publisher of the Pittsburgh Sports Report.