Mad World
Finally, The Jockocracy Loses One
By Mark Madden

"Jockocracy" is a term coined by Howard Cosell, the late and legendary Monday Night Football icon. It refers to the now-overwhelming use of ex-athletes and ex-coaches as announcers at the expense of A) professionals who were actually trained for their craft and B) intelligent commentary on TV and radio.

Some members of the jockocracy are intelligent and thought provoking. The other 99.8 percent are idiots.

Yet these ex-jocks are made to feel superior and get a disproportionate amount of job opportunities because, after all, THEY PLAYED THE GAME. Media critics like USA Today's Rudy Martzke and the Post-Gazette's Chuck Finder rarely call the jockocracy on their shortcomings. That's not surprising, because most members of the media are jock-sniffers at heart. Or jockocracy sniffers.

Particularly galling are men like Shannon Sharpe, who was surly with the media during his time as a player, but now embraces being a member of said media like a prostitute embraces a john.

I will respect a member of the jockocracy when he can do one of three things: A) Write, unaided, a coherent column about sports, or B) serve as the host of an in-studio show, or C) do play-by-play for a game broadcast. In other words, when they can do something that requires legitimate intelligence instead of being led around by someone who's actually been trained for the job.

I hate the jockocracy.

Which is why I will forever remember and treasure Monday, Sept. 9. And not just because the Steelers got killed.

Monday, Sept. 9 was the season premiere of Monday Night Football. John Madden replaces Dennis Miller. The move that was going to turn around MNF's tepid ratings.

The rating for Madden's debut was exactly the same as the rating for last season's first MNF telecast. Tough-actin' Tinactin won't make that embarrassment disappear.

Maybe the rating merely proved that the identity of the announcers doesn't make a difference to the viewers. But if that's the case, ABC-TV should have left Miller on MNF. Just because morons bitched about not getting Miller's schtick was no reason to can him. We can't always super-serve the stupid.

On second thought, maybe we can. And maybe we are.

Maybe replacing Miller with Madden was just a symptom for the dumbing-down of American society in general. If we think that Bon Jovi hosting a tailgate party in Times Square is somehow symbolic of our nation's spiritual rebirth on the anniversary of 9/11, then it follows that we would also think that someone unnecessarily reading the on-screen graphic—which Madden does ALL THE TIME—is preferable to someone who can accurately reference Kierkegaard.

If I were smart, I wouldn't watch sports on TV anymore. Then again, if I were smart, I wouldn't be making my living in talk radio.

Did you ever listen to John Madden? Did you ever put aside his "lovable fat guy" persona and all the Batman-like sound effects (BOOM!) and forget that he used to coach the hated Oakland Raiders and just LISTEN TO HIM? He adds nothing to the broadcast. Absolutely nothing. His powers of analysis are the victim of paralysis. The only thing that makes Madden's presence even mildly entertaining is Al Michaels' constant kissing of his gelatinous behind simply because he isn't Dennis Miller.

And it's only going to get worse. Before Miller, when was the last time a color commentary job went to a non-player? And I'm talkin' any sport, not just football.

I wish Howard were still around for a number of reasons, but mainly because Howard would know what to do about all of this.

I think I know what Howard might suggest.

Some weekend, some fall, all the play-by-play men and studio hosts for every football-related broadcast on both TV and radio should call in sick. Let the jockocracy not only carry the load, but organize the load. Let's see how Cris Collinsworth sounds without Joe Buck lobbing him softballs. Let's see how good that Fox pre-game show is when Terry Bradshaw has to steer the ship.

On second thought, bad idea. If that happened, then the jockocracy would have ALL the jobs. Color, play-by-play, host, sidekick, all of them. That would happen because the public wouldn't even realize the difference.

The general public, you see, will only tolerate something being dumbed-down if the general public is pretty damn dumb to begin with.

Mark Madden hosts a sports talk show 3-7 p.m. weekdays on ESPN Radio 1250.