Cannon Firing Line
Mellon's Best
E-16
By Ellis G. Cannon
PSR Publisher

Like clockwork, the invoice showed up the other day. Another Penguins' season, another invoice for the pair in E-16.

The section upstairs, often referred to as being in that end "where the Penguins shoot twice", has been our season ticket home forever. Smack behind the goalie and far enough aloft to see the game as it was supposed to be.

Before we recite the many virtues of E-16, let it be known that the move into the press box hasn't been too shabby either. Sitting up there is like watching the game from a space capsule with a bunch of astronauts who know the game. It's pretty cool, too.

That said, most people in the press box got into their profession because they were fans at some time. You're supposed to check the fan thing at the door once you take the elevator to the box, but their passion started somewhere. For many, it was in the seats below.

That certainly was the case with me.

The press box benefits aside, here's why there is still no better place to watch hockey in Mellon Arena than from E-16:

o   The View: If you know anything about the game, there's nothing like watching it develop from behind the net. That's elementary.

o   The Price: View + Price = Value. No brainer, unless you care to rationalize your invoice believing a seat that costs five times more than mine has five times the benefit.

Actually, the women downstairs are pretty fine and the men's rooms have troughs, but cash is king, so the value's still better upstairs.

o   The Insults: This has something to do with The Fans, but the sarcasm and wit in E-16 is so decidedly superior - not to mention public - that Insults deserve their own category. Really, where else in Mellon Arena can fans get off as many insults? If you're in E, you can be reasonably assured players hear you in the faceoff circle. To deny it is to lie. Besides, if they don't hear you, the folks in the sections below E do, and that's fun too.

o   The 'E': Where else would a guy nicknamed "E" be comfortable?

o   The Manners: What a better training ground for development of fan courtesies than E? Where else do you really learn to respect "The Whistle"? There's no more valuable way to reinforce good fan manners than in E, where if you walk into the aisle like cattle, you'll be publicly ridiculed by fellow fans with the shout-down of "...wait to The Whistle!!!!!!!". If you fail to heed, you'll be reminded the next time, only then you'll draw even more fire, typically in the form of unprintable words.

It's Pavlovian: Depart from and return to your seat only at the sound of a ref's whistle. Be courteous to others. Violate these simple rules in Sections A or B, they don't notice. Do it upstairs, you're a better fan for it.

This form of training, typically necessary because the offenders were raised by well, bovines, is neither sexist or discriminatory. Roll in or out while there's game action, you get drilled no matter who you are. That's a good thing. And these skills are transferable. Once you're learned up, you can apply them at football, baseball and even basketball games.

o   The Beer Line: Nobody tops off like Joe or hugs like Mary at the cash box. Wily vets who know their clientele and value of repeat business.

o   The Fans: Best reason. Nick, Deb, Ken, Kay and a whole bunch of others. Home and road game types; true fans. The ones who've been there for the whole ride, bad and good. Possible rough season coming up? So what. Been there, done that.

Still, I need to get back to E more than ever this year. The first son is three now. It's time. He needs to see the game at a value from the best seats as a courteous fan, while learning insults he can use at pre-school and seeing Pa in the beer line.

Besides, he goes by E, too.

Ellis Cannon is also a regular panelist on KDKA-TV's "#1 Cochran Sports Showdown" aired Sundays at 11:35 p.m.