Serious Sports
Throw Songs Into The Mon
By Billy Elmer

There are a few positive things that come failing to qualify for the NFL playoffs.

+ One is an easier schedule for the next season.

+ Another is a higher pick in the draft.

+ But the best reason, hands down, is Pittsburghers can watch TV without being exposed to all those new Steeler fight songs.

This has been a banner year for idiots with karaoke machines, holed up in the attic with a rhyming dictionary.

No music genre is excluded: rap, country, rock, polka, punk, ska, oldies. . . Please give me a break! Throw them all into the Mon River.

They're only going to take up valuable bin space at GOODWILL.

Yet, I'm still a sucker for a few classic songs including Jimmy Pol's polka classic.

The "Here We Go" song is hypnotic – that guy could get you to stop smoking. My favorite is still Myron Cope's "Deck the Broncos, they're just Yonkos falalalalalalalala." It doesn't get better than that.

Let's see Charlie Daniels top that.

The 2001-2002 Steelers team presents a great challenge for local tunesmiths, what with names like Plaxico, Kimo von Oelhoffen and Amos Zereoue.

We shouldn't listen to another song until these names all flow together like a Dave Crowley poem at the end of a Channel 2 newscast.

Here's one: New England Patriots. . . we just hateriots or Fuamatu-Ma'afala la la la la.

Naming rights can turn around and bite you in the Heinz end. Enron Park for example. But think of the giveaway nights: Bogus stock night; Chapter 7th inning stretch.

The Pirates should hire the Enron executives. They could show owner Kevin McClatchy how to hide their loses in off shore accounts.

One can catch Billy Elmer live at the Tropicana Casino Atlantic City Feb 11-17 or contact him billyelmer@yahoo.com.

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